Grief: how to survive loss and when to seek help
There is no single right way to experience loss. There is, however, a great deal of knowledge that helps one understand that what you are feeling is normal, and that you do not have to face it alone.
Ezostylia Editorial Team · facts checked in sources · updated 31.10.2026
The stages of grief: myth and reality
In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They originally concerned dying persons, not the bereaved, and the author herself later emphasised that one does not pass through them in sequence, as if climbing a staircase. Emotions return in waves, intermingle, and catch one off guard even years later.
The dual-process model and the bond that continues
Contemporary psychologists describe grief as a pendulum. At times we turn towards the loss: we weep, reminisce, and long for the person we have lost. At other times we turn towards life: we return to work, attend to practical matters, and allow ourselves to laugh. Both movements are necessary.
The second important idea is the "continuing bond." One need not "sever ties" with the deceased in order to move through grief. Speaking to them at the graveside, keeping a photograph of them, carrying on their traditions — these are all healthy ways of allowing love to find a new place.
What helps
- talking to someone who listens without offering advice,
- rituals: a funeral, an anniversary, a candle, a letter to the deceased,
- looking after one's body: sleep, food, movement, even when one has no inclination for anything,
- support groups for the bereaved,
- time. Sorrow does not disappear, but it changes shape.
When to seek help
If, after many months, longing still robs you of the ability to function normally, you may be experiencing prolonged grief, which doctors and psychologists are able to treat. It is worth seeking help immediately if thoughts arise that you do not wish to go on living.
- 116 123: a free helpline for adults in emotional crisis (please check current hours),
- 800 70 2222: the Support Centre for people in mental health crisis, available around the clock,
- 116 111: a helpline for children and young people,
- 112: when life is in danger.
Read more
You will find all 30 topics in the section Mysteries of life and death.
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Sources
Frequently asked questions
How long does grief last?
There is no single norm. The most intense pain usually eases over the course of months, but longing may return for years. If, after a prolonged period, grief makes normal life impossible, it is worth asking a specialist for help.
Are the Kübler-Ross stages of grief real?
They are a useful description of emotions, but not a rigid sequence. The author herself emphasised that one does not pass through them in order.